#Bittersweet by Susan Cain was my favourite book of 2023.
Although this isn’t a book review, after reading it, I felt inspired to share the following thoughts.
For many years, I’ve supported leaders and team members in developing their Emotional Intelligence. I can't tell you how many times clients—during coaching or team sessions, have apologised for becoming emotional. I always ensure they feel safe and let them know their tears are welcome.
When I listened to the Bittersweet audiobook, I often found myself walking with tears in my eyes, or driving in quiet awe and amazement at Susan Cain’s story. Hearing so many tragic and bittersweet moments she so generously shares truly touched me. I admired her perspective: that her own grief and melancholy aren’t bad, and not something to race past or “get over.”
When Susan admitted she is drawn to melancholy and considers herself a ‘happy melancholic’, it was as though she described my experience—and I felt relief. In the past, I’ve been called ‘overly sensitive’. Like many other sensitive people, I’ve struggled in a world that often seems to prefer desensitisation or a performance of constant cheerfulness. I’ve done a lot of personal work to “fix” my supposed shortcomings, only to realise there’s nothing wrong with being sensitive or feeling things deeply. In fact, in my work, it’s an asset.
I believe that if we’re to grow our Emotional Intelligence—to become more empathic and compassionate—we need to become more accepting of melancholy and sadness. What many people don’t realise is that when we’re open to our emotions, they flow. Like a river: sometimes with surges, other times gently and quietly—but always moving. And when they move, we don’t get stuck.
It’s when there’s no space for sadness that the river gets blocked. That’s why so many people avoid going there—for fear the dam might break and it will all be too much.
I get it. I’ve lived it. It can feel overwhelming. Which is why it helps to have a trusted friend, partner, counsellor, or coach to create a safe space and support us when emotions rise.
The upside of making room for repressed sadness is that we no longer need to keep a lid on our feelings. On the other side of those tears, there is often joy—joy we may not have been able to access while busy suppressing our emotions.
So let’s enjoy our sadness. Let’s enjoy our humanity. Let’s allow ourselves to be moved by life, by bittersweet tears, and by the love that inspires them.
If you’ve read Bittersweet or have any thoughts on this topic, I’d love to hear from you.
